This blog is included to share with you that I can help by counselling and coaching you in work related issues. Please note that what follows is a senior leadership case study. A scaled down version of this type of work is offered to clients who want less formality – objectives but no contract – in their work with me. In this case we might discuss your most pressing work challenge in one session and agree a way forward with which you are happy. You might use the following session to address a personal challenge at home. And so on. I often use a mix of coaching and counselling. However, this is your call.
JP is a director in a property company. JP was specific about self-funding to control her agenda. She has felt unsupported and lacking direction from above. JP’s coaching is ongoing since 2015. JP needs to meet with me/speak with me using Microsoft teams on Saturdays due to workload and her feeling guilty about meeting in work time.
JP approached me through my website, knowing that I have cross-sector business knowledge and senior executive counselling and coaching experience. She wanted a counsellor of her own choosing. The initial call with JP included a discussion on the structure and process of counselling and coaching - the purpose, approach including its solutions focus, broad outcomes, timings, our boundaries including confidentiality and expectations. JP wanted to set specific objectives for each session based on her current and emerging challenges. She felt that team performance, relationships management and strategy would be the key themes as well as how she is feeling and managing her emotions. JP felt that she wanted a counsellor and coach to “fill in the gaps that my line manager and others in my life cannot support me with. I also want a professionally trained counsellor and coach.” We agreed the scope of the counselling and coaching work including fees, counselling and coaching hours face to face or by telephone/Teams where JP requested. JP wanted to book session to session, monthly initially and sometimes twice a month. We covered cancellation and rescheduling policies. I referred JP to the written contract covering these points as well as additional responsibilities, to be carefully read, agreed, and signed prior to the commencement of counselling and coaching session one. We also agreed method and timing of fees payment.
We spent a few minutes on confidentiality – that there would be no sharing information with her business or personal contacts from me; that she was free to share what she thought would be helpful with her line manager, other colleagues, and people in her personal life. I covered what would be shared with others I might work with and what information I might share as part of my supervision and ongoing professional development. I emphasised that all information used would be anonymised. JP was happy with all of that, supportive of my continuous professional development and my ongoing goal to be the best counsellor and coach I can be for my clients, through my continuous professional development.
In the first face to face one to one counselling and coaching session we began by going through the written counselling and coaching contract to ensure that JP was happy with the format and outcomes she would like to focus on during her sessions. I guided her to develop her goals (broad statements of intent) for the counselling and coaching and we agreed that she would consider and email me specific session objectives a week prior to the booked counselling and coaching session. This would focus her mind on “the right things” and would allow me to prepare accordingly. I do not always use a contract as your counsellor and coach. If you would like one, we set one up.
Whether we have a formal contract or not, we do set objectives for your counselling and coaching. Experience shows that our success in achieving your outcomes is partly determined by agreeing the precise foundations of counselling and coaching and means of evaluation upfront, with session feedback and regular reviews to cover what is working well and what requires further work. I abide by the principle that what gets measured gets managed.
In the blog from here, I will step out of my work with JP to share with you how I work, then step back in and so on.
Another key factor contributing to you achieving your outcomes is instilling positive expectations about results. We add value to your life, work and/or personal, through a bespoke tailored one to one approach. I often walk my clients through the full Kolb learning cycle. This means reviewing what has happened to you, why, including your beliefs and behaviours as well as through the lens of others such as your line manager. We move on to explore what you think and feel now, explore your options for moving forwards and you decide your actions. We would discuss specific situations where similar triggers and scenarios arose. I explained that this would help her to make sense of her experience, understand her strengths and weaknesses more and agree how to build on her strengths and address weaker areas. JP said that this would be immensely helpful as she felt that reflecting with a counsellor and coach was not something that she had experienced before and yet was becoming necessary for her to feel that she was coping well. She was pleased that she had found me to support her through “interesting, unprecedented times” where she often felt vulnerable and anxious. For me, her comments of needing me as a ‘value added’ counsellor and coach resource, made me feel that we could learn a lot from each other and that this was the start of a solid professional relationship. We agreed that should she ask me for advice that I would give her my perspective.
I spent a lot of time in the first and second sessions eliciting her background, strategy, team structure, recent and upcoming challenges that both she and her teams face now. I asked a few questions about her hobbies and interests that included on-line fitness classes and her daughter’s swimming galas – all this was about getting to know her and her getting to know me; for instance, we share a passion for well-being, which is helpful for our rapport.
During the telephone call and from session one I listened to JP’s language, communication and thinking preferences and used similar words and meta-programmes. JP’s dominant thinking and communication styles are auditory and kinaesthetic. JP develops her thinking and learns by airing her thoughts and feelings, evidencing an incredibly detailed memory. This is not my style at all. However, I am strongly kinaesthetic which helped me to connect with her, so that I could focus on my listening skills.
JP had shared that she and her colleagues leant towards the half glass empty perspective. I noted this down as an area to work on with her. We talked through the Myers Briggs personality instrument as she introduced it. She shared that her male dominated colleagues made decisions with a bias towards logic and rationale, with her focused more on feelings and vales, that this at times created conflicts. She said that she balances detailed thinking in the now and bigger picture future planning. We built rapport through my mirroring her preferences and noting down some potential areas to stretch and challenge her on later such as solutions focused positive psychology and NLP anchoring resources that she needed. I briefly referred to these and she said that she was looking forwards to developing her skills as well as a more positive mind-set.
I was happy with how the first outcome and establishing trust session went. We would continue to build on this by setting and achieving session objectives. JP was chatty, driven motivated and pleased to find happy to have found “someone who can help me when I feel quite isolated as the only female director” I asked several questions about whether she could see the sessions working for her and she was extremely optimistic. The relationship started with a solid committed foundation on both sides. A good initial test for her commitment and engagement was her setting her broad goals, recording these within her counselling and coaching and learning agreement prior to signing and sharing session two and beyond objectives a week prior to attending.
To optimise her development through our counselling and coaching relationship, I asked her to share her 360-degree feedback, business strategy, culture, and ways of working. I also asked her to familiarise herself with her business’s leadership capability framework. I explained that she could critique her own performance and come back being able to talk through each competency and the areas she wanted to focus on as part of her objectives. The second session included her feedback on this. During session one and two JP also vented about what she was finding particularly challenging just now. We discussed some quick wins that she would implement to give her and her teams a lift. These included having regular virtual Monday meetings (using Microsoft Teams group call due to remote locations) where they would agree the week’s priorities and agree task allocation inputs and outputs. These two initial sessions laid the groundwork for our professional coaching relationship, demonstrated her good engagement with the coaching process and rapport with me. I feel happy that we had created an effective working relationship to build upon and hopefully a positive long-term professional relationship beyond the initial coaching programme.
JP’s goals for coaching were (with specific session objectives to be set by JP and shared with me by e mail a week before the scheduled coaching session) to:
Leadership Capability: Relationship Management - build my confidence in dealing with and influencing a male dominated board of directors and company.
Leadership Capability: Strategic Direction - develop a ‘customer-centric’ Residential Strategy.
Leadership Capabilities: Goal Alignment, Structural Clarity, and Develop High Performing Teams - Develop the capacity and capability of my team to deliver their objectives aligned with the business strategy and values.
Establishing a coaching and counselling relationship with JP was made easier by me liking her hard work ethic, a shared value. From session one JP showed her comfort in the coaching and counselling space through her open body language, eye contact and verbal expressiveness. JP is the only female director within the regional business team, and she feels that this is a factor impacting her work, sometimes for the positive and sometimes not. Her span of control is four asset managers as well as contractors for special projects and an administrator. Her financial responsibility is X. She reports to a senior director with wider responsibilities across the region.
Session 1
The first part of the session focused on contracting particulars. We went through the written ‘coaching counselling and learning agreement.’ JP talked me through her three goals within the contract and why they were critical areas of focus. She related each of them to the business’s leadership capability framework, which she felt would ensure that whilst the agenda was hers, she was being smart business-wise.
JP set a SMART [specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-framed] objective part way through the first session for the remainder of the session that related to goal one. “By the end of this session I will have a way forward in relation to the issue with my line manager causing me a lot of anxiety and sleepless nights. I will be happy with my decision, and this will put my mind at rest. Calm will ensue and my sleeping will be restored!”
I used the coaching counselling and learning agreement template that I use for leadership work.
I asked her if he was happy with it; she said it was noticeably clear and had no questions for me at this stage.
JP became animated as she went through her three goals that were clearly important to her as she seriously conveyed the importance of each one to her role.
To assist me with deep listening, I made notes of salient points such as assumptions and behaviours, whilst giving eye contact and expressions that matched hers to mirror her. I also repeated back a word or metaphor and paraphrased at regular intervals summing up the key points using her language, matching her physiology and tone including quick speech. The impact was to keep me focused on her which is important as this is her time. She sensed this and felt listened to and understood. It kept us connected, in the flow, with her openly talking out her thinking.
JP talked about her new boss taking her ideas and expressing them as his own. JP reflected that she shares her promising ideas because she is collaborative and trusting. I asked her directly if she has experienced this before in the business. She said that it has. She had been overlooked for a promotion and her new boss had taken her ideas as his own, making her feel like a “caged bird.” Her energy became flat, and I asked her to sit with the feelings without judging or analysing them until they abated. Gradually her energy shifted as she straightened her posture and sighed.
I asked “what, if anything, would you like to do something about this?” aiming to keep my language as clean as possible. JP said that she will be incredibly careful with what she shares. I challenged her on this and asked gently (quietly, neutrally) “what will be different from now on?” JP thought for a few moments, before replying “yes, I have given a lot away. I am realising that self-preservation needs to kick in. He has been promoted to a role for which I was not considered. He has taken two of my promising ideas. It stops here.” The impact of this was significant. Her pallor changed to more colour, and she occupied all her space, looking as well as sounding stronger.
JP feels ignored by her male stakeholders at times and marginalised. I put myself in her shoes, assuming her physiology. JP developed an outcome around being heard and some actions including speaking to her boss about good practice recruitment and how she feels just now.
I used an “embedded command” as I know that the client’s self-serving subconscious mind aims to seek out and respond positively to commands in conversation. I said to JP “you will find it easier than you think to do your actions.” I also said this as JP had said that she and her colleagues tended towards the ‘half glass empty’ mind-set.
We set the session one outcomes at the start, which was to understand and agree the coaching and counselling relationship through the structured agreement, to go through her goals and set a session outcome that she was driven to address. I learnt in this session that JP’s pace is quite fast which suits me as this is my own preference. We briefly discussed her high achievement drive and that she felt that she has been that way for as long as she can remember, that even as a child she was rewarded for results. I thought that this will help her to make the most of her coaching and counselling. JP answered my question about motivation to act on her actions from the session and she replied with a certain “one hundred percent.”
In this session my feedback to JP was to tell her that I was impressed that she had put thought to her goals after our initial telephone call, that she had developed these and added them to her contract in advance of session one. I added that this helped to maximise the time available at session one to hit the ground running once we had agreed the contract particulars.
I told her that I was impressed by her pace and that she was in the right place as this is also my own preference. We laughed at this.
I praised her for acknowledging how she really felt about not being promoted and in her ideas being communicated by her new boss as his own. I added that by so doing, she had relieved herself of a heavy burden and that this reminds us that actions are a good antidote to anxiety.
I told JP that I thought that she showed courage in wanting to address something clearly causing her a great deal of anxiety in that it was affecting her ability to sleep. I reinforced this as her top priority by adding that it is extremely difficult to function well and make good decisions in other areas before we have resolved the basics such as getting enough sleep.
JP fed back that she really needs my depth of listening as a counsellor as “most of my male colleagues do not listen well.”
JP told me that she appreciated having uninterrupted thinking aloud time with a counsellor and could not remember the last time that this had happened.
JP said that she felt that our rapport was good and that she felt that she could trust me.
Session 2
In this session we worked on progressing JP’s customer-centric Residential Strategy. She wanted to talk me through where she had got to with it and elicit my views as a mentor, as well as be coached in terms of where I thought that a challenge would be helpful. JP also wanted to discuss next steps so that the document was continually progressing towards the deadline date for the board.
The start of this session focused on some of the thinking that JP had done in the two weeks since our first meeting. JP was happy to report that she had spoken to her colleagues about her views on promotions following a conversation with the HR Director. JP had said that she had felt that due process had not been followed in relation to her line manager’s new role and that she had not had the opportunity to apply, whilst she had received feedback about why the decision had been taken and where she would need to develop her skills to be considered for a similar role moving forwards. Whilst she still disagreed with the recruitment and selection approach and the decision-making process, she felt that she could move on, having spoken out. JP was pleased that she had “asserted my views” in a controversial area, something that she would not have entertained before. I was pleased to listen nod and smile when she said this, all important nonverbal communication in counselling.
We used the SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-framed) framework for developing JP’s objective for the session which was “by the end of this session, I will be happy with the structure of the strategy, the main and sub-headings and have two or three ideas to bring the strategy to life in terms of its customer-centric focus”.
To assist JP with the structure of the strategy, I introduced two different good practice strategy templates, one from her sector and one from the retail sector. I wanted JP to think of using non-sector businesses that were regarded as experts in their field, to consider their working practices and brand from the customer’s perspective. From the two examples, which we discussed, JP adjusted the structure of her strategy and changed some of the main and sub-headings. The overall impact was to shout customer centric.
I introduced JP to a decision-making tool - Edward de Bono’s six thinking hats and suggested that we use this to ratify the structure and start to think about building the content. For example, we sat with white hats on and brainstormed ‘what information and facts do we have now?’ Then with the red hat on, we considered what people impacted by the strategy would want in it to respond well to it and own elements of it. I probed JP with yellow hat questions including what are the benefits of your chosen way forwards, its strengths, and opportunities it presents? Then we examined potential flaws and risk, weaknesses in putting this plan into action, wearing a black hat. The green hat key question was what other ways for moving forwards with this strategy would be easier and more effective? Finally, we looked at blue hat process – where are you now? Where do you want to be? What decisions need to happen next?
JP wanted to investigate John Lewis’s customer strategies and potentially build these in. She would also consult with low-risk colleagues, including her residential team about the document so far and for their own ideas about what the strategy needed to include as well as the operational plan that would be developed from it. She sounded extremely excited to get on with this and said that she would start right away and be pleased to update me on her progress next time.
I told JP that I had enjoyed the session. I said, “I am pleased for you that you stood up for your views about recruitment and selection within the business and that you felt that you got your points across assertively.”
I said that I felt she had used the decision-making tool well, looking at the strategy from six perspectives, through six different lenses.
JP said that the decision-making tool had been a “revelation” and not something that she had used before. She would be using it to make her important decisions in the future. She felt it to be so comprehensive that it gave her confidence in the output. JP said that she would introduce the model to the board to help improve to governance.
JP told me that she thought that looking at best in class customer focused businesses including those outside of the property sector, was a great idea. John Lewis, she felt to be a particularly important “role model.”
Session 3
We began by discussing JP’s achievements since session two. In particular, she wanted to share how she was using organisations’ strategies reputable in being a customer focused brand, such as John Lewis, within her Residential strategy. I had suggested this line of research, which she had done and found some good practices that she and some of her colleagues thought could be adapted or lifted and added to their own plans.
For this session JP wanted to focus on persuading and influencing and had prepared an objective accordingly: “I am persuading and influencing my male colleagues well so that they buy into and support my delivery of my residential strategy and plans.”
I used solutions focused questions including “what would be your future perfect?” in relation to JP’s objective that she had set for this session, which she found challenging to answer. I had spent time building her trust with encouragement and empathy and we felt that challenging conversations with me would equip her for testing ‘influencing’ conversations with her colleagues.
I also used solutions focused exceptions finding questions to help JP to build on already successful influencing experiences. For example, I asked “what’s your strongest memory of where you have you influenced well?” followed by, “how did you do that?” followed by, “how did you know that was the right thing to do?” This conversation helped JP to identify resources that she could use moving forwards with her current objective, such as ‘seeking to understand then be understood’ that she had taken from Covey’s ‘Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’ originally from Aristotle. All the time I was listening carefully to her answers and jotting down some key themes. For example, what her responses tole me about her values. Individuals can expect this behaviour from an experienced counsellor and coach.
JP said that she wanted to be sure that she was using the right influencing style with a particular colleague. I took her through the ‘push pull model of influencing,’ her preferred and lesser used styles, focusing on the style that she considered would work for each of her key stakeholders.
We used NLP anchoring, for example, to anchor states that she needed during persuading and influencing colleagues, such as calm, positive, and optimistic. She had shared that she and her colleagues leant towards the half glass empty perspective. The new anchors, she felt, would help to balance with her more risk averse side that she called her “black hat.” We had looked at her decision-making style against ‘six thinking hats’ previously in session two.
I did ‘chunk up’ at times with JP to shift her perspective from detailed to bigger picture, to challenge her thinking. For example, with helicopter questions such as “what is the purpose of the project plan?”
I explained to JP that Neuro-Linguistic-Programming (NLP) perceptual positions often help leaders to influence better, by considering the perspective of others involved plus an objective observer. “Capacity to take a meta-perspective on a situation appreciating self in relation to others forms the basis of effective leadership in complex contexts” (Cavicchia & Gilbert, 2019, p.101). We went through this model considering her own, her line manager’s and an objective observer’s perspective, her HR Director, in relation to her residential strategy.
I also used a character components psychotherapy model: “warriors, settlers & nomads” (Watts, T, 2000). I shared with JP that clients find this effective where stakeholders have different strengths and require different influencing strategies. For example, having summarised the components, JP felt that her boss is warrior dominant (as well as big picture in relation to information that he pays attention to; intuitive, Myers Briggs Type Indicator), so she would need to help him to feel in control of the structure of the strategy.
JP said that she would go through her coaching session notes tomorrow and book time with her boss the day after. She felt that she had the right pull approach: “I will use common vision to articulate exciting possibilities, generate a shared identity and find common ground…also participation and trust to assess his understanding, listen to and incorporate his views…. before eliciting similar from my team.” She was completely committed to do this. Her leaning forwards body language and positive tone matched with what she was saying.
I told JP that it sounded like she was making substantial progress with developing her customer centric residential strategy and was pleased that she had found some of the ideas we had discussed to be a useful part of this process.
I praised JP for being open and receptive to exploring with me the influencing tools – some was revision as she had seen the ‘push pull influencing model’ years ago and was pleased to re-familiarise herself with it for this activity.
I said that I would be interested to hear how her influencing conversation with her boss went on Monday when we meet next.
JP felt that she had a complete influencing strategy. She particularly liked the use of personality models to consider how best to approach her boss. She said that she felt more confident having used the influencing model about the key elements of her pitch. Preparing her state for the meeting she thought would mean that she came across well and that this would help her to best influence her boss, who could be “tricky.” Having also considered her strategy upfront through the lens of her boss and an individual who she considered to be an objective third party; she felt that she was ready to deliver a workable outcome. We discussed the fact that people will often react and respond differently to the same strategy, seeing different things.
Session 4
I asked JP to report her progress which she was pleased to do and included positive feedback from her boss after a presentation about her Residential Strategy she was initially reluctant to do. JP confided that she would rather have seen stakeholders one to one so that she could tailor her influencing strategy according to individual personalities and preferences. I asked her how she went about it, and she said that she took their needs and likes into account in her preparation and delivery. For example, when she was being very concise and to the point she made eye contact with her line manager. When she was sharing aspects of the John Lewis business model she focused on her CEO. I praised her and elicited her learning that “some major achievements can come from big challenges.” This started the session off well and gave JP a positive foundation to build upon. We briefly discussed that we share a high achievement drive.
JP wanted to discuss the capability and capacity of her team during this session, focusing on two individuals within her team, an asset manager and a consultant brought in for special projects, with whom she was working. She was clashing with and having conflicts with these two individuals, and this was negatively impacting her team’s performance. JP said that the main problem with the asset manager was that he was extremely negative and that in the current capacity resourcing constrained environment this was making productivity worse. The consultant JP felt to have some promising ideas but was not getting the basics right including communicating effectively and motivating staff collaborating with her and achieving deliverables on time.
Using tools from positive psychology, I gave JP a warm greeting, compliments, and sincere praise as she reported her progress navigating a challenging scenario using her influencing strengths. The advantage of this is classic conditioning with her repeating this process at session outset, helping her to feel good about her achievements (Carey, Philippon & Cummings, 2011), so that she would hopefully build on these. A potential downside for JP and my practice is clients may filter out problems that need to be voiced, processed, and addressed.
I suggested that JP share with her asset manager a psychology model that I developed from my studies and have been using with clients as relevant and appropriate for many years, relating to how the mind works. In essence that negative thinking creates anxiety as the mind does not distinguish what we think from what is real, that we create this through negative introspection about the past and negatively forecasting the future. As our anxiety increases our intellectual control diminishes and the emotional mind takes over. Three primitive response patterns may result – anxiety, or anger or depression. The idea was for him to consider some self-preservation! We agreed that she would present it as something she had learnt in her coaching and counselling sessions, to depersonalise the message whilst sharing ‘the facts’ for him to go away and consider, hopefully.
I shared with JP a one-page PowerPoint model that I had developed from my research for giving and receiving feedback that she thought would be useful with the consultant. I explained that psychological research shows that our ego requires that we receive three good pieces of feedback for every corrective one. Also, that the latter is best delivered in a “my view on what would further improve your contribution as a consultant on this job is that if you do x, rather than stop doing y.” I explained that our subconscious minds that are a significant percentage of the mind do not process negations. So, as neuroscience has shown, what we focus on is exactly what we get. She laughed at “don’t whatever you do think of a pink elephant!” We prioritised what JP wanted to see differently, and I suggested that she take one each week and use the model as directed.
JP would be using the psychology model with her asset manager and liked the idea of sharing something that she had learnt recently, with him to depersonalise the message.
JP also committed to regular feedback sessions with her consultant. She felt that she would have to “dig deep” to find the three positives for each feedback session. She said that in the spirit of seek to understand then be understood” (Covey, 2007, Seven Habits) she would first elicit her consultant’s view, using the model and then share her own perspective. She thought that the positive emphasis would help to connect them better as well as have the consultant working on a development point each week.
I praised JP for her successful initial draft strategy presentation to the board, as this was unexpected, and the timing meant that she was unable to do more than an hour’s preparation. We agreed that as structured and organised leaders, we find last minute requests quite stressful.
I shared that JP may find the psychology model a helpful reminder to herself of the immense power of positive thinking and to “spread the word,” as she had confided that the business culture, its ways of working, are negatively predisposed.
JP said that the psychology model was a “light bulb moment” and explained why she often felt drained at work. She said that this had been reinforced since our working together that focused on tools from positive psychology.
She liked the feedback model and expressed that she had avoided completely open and honest feedback before as she had felt it would create conflict. She liked the positive nature of the model and said that it would be useful to her as a leader for both eliciting and giving feedback.
Observations & Reflections
Session 1
I notice that I experience JP through my senses, particularly how I felt when I was in the moment with her. I do this habitually I think rather than through the stories I tell myself about clients, “narrative circuitry of stories” (Rock & Page, 2009). I felt calm, warm, focused, happy to actively listen, respectful, liking, working for her, and sharing her humour when she laughed about a colleague’s behaviour. I reflect that I will pay more attention when I do not like or feel comfortable with a client.
I felt incensed for JP, reflecting that I am very encouraging of women having worked in male dominated environments for much of my career. I also saw a clear hierarchy growing up with my father holding the power. The impact was that the session provoked my female identity, and I presupposed that JP would want to do something about it by initially asking “what will you do?” It was sufficiently neutral, and the answer could have been nothing. And yet I know that my leaning in body language presupposed that she take an action. JP told me at the end during feedback that she took this as a good challenge. However, I note that in my wider coaching and counselling practice, this could be perceived as leading and controlling.
I was controlling in the session – leading JP to feed back about the recruitment of her new boss issue and how to protect her ideas moving forwards. This is my ‘warrior’ character driving the need to protect my client (Watts, 2000). A few values being challenged here for me include fairness, due to my upbringing and human resources career. My parents talked about fairness a lot and showed it in their actions including paying for my education as an equal to my brother, as well as reminding me of it many times! This, I feel, coupled with my control ‘Achilles heel,’ led me to be quite direct about what JP could do. A disadvantage of this to my wider coaching practice could be that my values are forced onto the client who may not agree or want them. My protection of them may be misdirected. I will pay attention to this.
In my client preparation, reflective practice post session and in supervision, I now pay particular attention to:
Balancing my professional and direct style with slowing down the pace and neutrality particularly when my values buttons are pressed, for example, a perceived lack of fairness.
Remind myself that no two experiences are the same and as such it is still and always about the client. Leave my experiences out of the dialogue unless client elicited.
Keep my questions ‘clean’ and neutral rather than as a mentor would by asking about say several types of customer feedback, without this having been introduced by the client. Sometimes be direct when my view is sought though mostly non-directive. Push back on the client with “what do you think?” and exhaust their ideas, before sharing one gift from my own experience.
Session 2
It is important to JP to show me her work; being kinaesthetic she walked me though a project plan for her customer centric approach. My being engaged in her work she perceives as supportive, encouraging, giving good counsel and told me so. Being customer centric is a value of mine so I asked some probing questions around her methodologies, such as whether she had considered a voice of the customer approach. JP told me that this is helpful and not something that she gets from her boss. I note that I do not want my clients to rely on me as a sole resource, so I challenged her on getting more support from her boss. We have an established trusting relationship so I can do this with her. I may not be so direct with a new client.
Even though I was quite patient today having only one client on a Saturday, clients that talk a lot often irritate me when I am busier coaching in the week (Peltier, 2010). I want to be the best coach counsellor I can be for my clients’ which trumps being irritated when they talk a lot. My Nan once said to me “listening is the greatest courtesy.” I do commit to believing this. When a client meanders from A to B, accept it. It is their journey, their time, and their way. I will “learn to become comfortable with silence” (Cooper & Castellino, 2017).
Session 3
After this session, I reflect that I am still less comfortable with silence than I want to be. That JP talks a lot makes me think what it would be like if I encouraged more silent time. Would she learn more from this approach?
I will work on my purpose of creating a quiet mind for me and my clients, inviting silence and discussing meditation and other mind quietening habits. I record this is my development plan to discuss with my supervisor.
Session 4
I am reflecting on praise and encouragement after this session. The question do I over-use it keeps popping up in my mind. I would like to keep praise sincere and not over-use it. Praise has the potential to hook the client into wanting to please and focus on this to the detriment of their true development needs.
I decide that rather than asking “what has been good since I last saw you,” I will start the session off with a clean question such as “what do you want to think about now?” (Kline, 2013). I can ask a question about progress later in the dialogue when I sense that this is appropriate timing or is client led.