It is dark. You are awake. You are worrying about what has happened or what may happen or both.
Something is on your mind that will not wait until morning.
Why does this happen to us all sometimes?
During waking hours, your mind is high jacked a lot. Family life, commute, work, administration, and errands. Emotional thoughts and feelings are postponed for later.
The doing having stopped at night, being with thoughts and feelings is centre stage. Here for you to process with questions, information, options going around in your head. Your mind is trying to close the loop on problems experienced in waking reality as it will not accept the incomplete. We call this emotional processing in psychology. Events that are too much for us are put away for later, such as conflict with another or a difficult decision.
Scenes are replayed from history including the recent past and today. Scenes for potential future consequences are imagined often frame by frame. Your mind is attempting to complete your thought process, understand what you really felt and what it should best do with that. It is your unconscious mind trying to do what it thinks is right based on our history and precedents. We call this ruminating - chewing on stored feelings without guidance, it goes in circles and compounds, instead of finding a solution to move forward. Your mind wants to know “Will I be OK? Was I upset? Do they still love me? Did I betray myself?”
How to address this yourself
Strategy one
Give yourself time during waking hours to process emotions. I do this in the evening when I get home from my day. It is journaling. For me this is to be grateful for the good things in my day and to stop harmful habits to me such as pouring a glass of wine on a school night! I write down short bullet points:
What happened today that stuck with me?
What emotion did I feel and not express?
What do I need to/wish to say about this?
I do not need to have the conversation with someone. I am just letting my mind know that “I heard you. This matters.” It is like talking with a child because the subconscious is emotional and childish. It has the intellectual age of a seven-year-old according to experts and it wants clear directions from the adult intellectual mind.
What do I want to do about this if anything? E.g “next time I feel x I will express myself as follows…”
Strategy Two
In the moments it happens think of three emotions that you feel, such as anxious, embarrassed, and guilty. Then bring your attention to three sensations that you feel, such as the weight of your body on the mattress, sounds in the room, air on your face. Focusing on physical senses helps to calm down your racing mind.
Strategy Three
When you get into bed meditating, even breath work spending longer on the out breath is calming physiological trigger and distraction. Full body relaxation is even better for calming the nervous system.
Strategy Four
In the moments, your mind is racing with thoughts in the night tell yourself that you will think about this tomorrow when you journal. For example, outstanding worries, feelings and actions options, the latter being a good antidote to stress, anxiety, and worries. Your mind will respond to this better than to logic and rationale.
Strategy Five
Keep a file of things you have handled well recently and keep it updated. Work and personal relationships and responsibilities. My clients do this and refer to it often when they are having negative thoughts.
My help
If you are struggling and repeatedly having the same worries at night so that you are tired in the day, that is more than overthinking. This is the time to reach out to a professional. I can help you to empty out your anxiety bucket whether you are experiencing symptoms of anxiety or depression or both.