Worrying is normal. It comes from negative thoughts about something. In this blog I explain the brain science, share the relevant facts about worrying and what you can do to help and limit the negative impact.
Excessively worrying can lead to clinical anxiety and/or depression. Feelings can be overwhelming. Actions can be dysfunctional including self and others harm.
What are the facts?
Worrying is false as we cannot predict what will happen because of earlier actions, although any guilt, sadness, fear, anger are real emotions. Most things that we worry about do not happen.
If what we worry about does happen we cannot often control what happens. Acceptance is the only helpful focus. For example, ‘I accept that I cannot control the safety of my husband. I can suggest based on my observations around my worries, such as two hands on the wheel please darling’. It may also be useful to reframe the worry to something rational such as we are all adults and sometimes, we take risks for which we are responsible. Also, sometimes our lives are taken by circumstance. The latter is tragic, and a period of sadness is normal. This is different from worrying. It is grief and if you are struggling help from a counsellor to process your grief and learn thinking strategies may be helpful to you.
The Neuroscience
When our thinking is positive, we are in control and see things clearly. We problem solve and act rationally instead of worrying.
Drugs make worrying, anxiety, depression, and anger (emotional response patterns to negative thoughts and feelings) more likely so avoid these, especially if you are a ‘worry wart’.
Neuroscience tells us that what we focus on is what we get. It makes sense to focus on solutions instead of worrying. What would be happening in your life without the worries. What small step can you take using your resources to achieve your preferred future?
Our thoughts are not real. They are just words, not absolute truths. Worry is normal. Accept it. Do not fight it. Sit with it. It will pass. As you sit with your worries see your thoughts without judgment and the same with your feelings. Once the feelings and thoughts subside act based on your values with or without emotion. Obviously think through the implications and impact and consequences of your actions.
Good Habits and Behaviour
Reading to help with self development. My recommendation is The Happiness Trap by Dr Russ Harris. Also Stop Thinking Start Living by Richard Carlson.
Some people find it helpful to assign fifteen minutes worry time daily to think about their worries writing them down and deciding if they can do anything to reduce them. When the time is done leave thinking about worrying until the same time tomorrow using distractions to achieve this.
Focusing on the present moment can be helpful as we cannot focus on what is going on around us and worry simultaneously. Add to this living today as if it is your last can help as no one wants to spend their last day worrying. We cannot take our worries with us when we are gone.
When we are present in the moment worrying is less likely. Practice grounding yourself in the present moment the here and now. Exercises to help this include 54321. Notice five things that that you can see, four things that you can touch and feel, three things that you can hear, two things that you can smell and one thing that you can taste.
Where possible, spring clean the people in your life to mostly positive, those who energise you and whom you leave interactions with feeling good.
Getting your basic needs met including healthy foods and drinks, sleep so that you are not tired on the day and exercise. Exercise releases endorphins to help calm, reducing stress and worrying. Other consumption advice is go low on news as it is mostly negative (doom scrolling) including social media. Excessively using social media has been linked to anxiety and depression.
Gratitude practice involves thinking about things in your life you are grateful for when you start to worry about something.
Writing down your worries consider what you can do to reduce its impact on you. For example, a worry about an upcoming family event bringing conflict. ‘I can choose to smile slightly take a breath and change the subject’. If I cannot do anything I might burn the paper on which the worry is written to help me to unburden myself.
Another strategy is to ask yourself will this worry matter in twelve to eighteen months time and if not, I will draw a line under it and focus on the bigger picture.
Getting Help
Strong people work on themselves. Strong people seek out an expert when they have a problem.
If you would like help and support to unpack and process and address your worries, anxieties and stressors please get in touch via the form on this website.