If you are unclear of your identity and this is causing issues for you, please read on. I am not talking here about your parentage or your knowledge of your history although this will have a part to play.
My own journey of self-discovery in relation to my personality has been so powerful in that it has helped with my self-acceptance and peace of mind.
Along the way I stopped overthinking about me and stopped setting goals that were counter-personality. For example, for a long time I set a new year’s resolution along the lines of socialise and network more and develop more friendship groups. I dabbled for sure and found that, to cut a long story short, I am happier with acquaintances that like doing the same activities as me such as gym and sitting in the sauna, than with close friendships. I have connections with lots of people in and out of my work life.
I started exploring my true personality after years of adapting for school conformity and acceptable behaviour in work cultures. My journey has been about getting curious about who I was and what I wanted to do and be. This culminated in moving out of corporate life to working for and by myself where I felt in control.
Much more than that though. I started living by my beliefs and values, gradually changing my lifestyle from anxious to calm through simplifying my days. I now focus on a few things and people, giving me plenty of self-care and self-development time.
For example, I love to move and being active is my sanity so my social life centres heavily on my local health club where I regularly attend yoga and Pilates classes, achieving my steps and relaxing in the sauna. During my time there I chat to lots of acquaintances about life which I thoroughly enjoy.
A philosopher at heart with a questioning curious mind I regularly self-reflect, journal, and meditate for headspace and clarity.
From a calm place I finally made peace with my type one diabetes and have eaten a clean diet for a long time now.
Part of my discovery came from the Myers Briggs Type Indicator. I qualified in administering this in 2004, working for years for clients in corporate life, to use the personality instrument to develop as individuals and teams.
My own type started as ESTJ in my twenties and lasted until my mid-thirties, a typical doer administrator operator. I then evaluated as INF/TJ working on my own and others development. In recent years I have evaluated as ENTJ, running my own business, focusing on the bigger picture, and developing my intuition to help my clients.
For those of you unfamiliar with MBTI I urge you to fill in the free twelve-minute test at www.16personalities.com. Your result will be given to you immediately. You can start by checking out the career and relationship preferences on the same site. You can also research interesting stuff such as how to I like to live my life and what kind of things irritate me, to inform your nearest and dearest of!
Your percentages for your type dynamic may also be relevant. For example, I now understand more clearly that with a 54% extraversion bias, whilst I think more than I espouse, an introverted trait, my confidence and outgoing nature can sometimes lead others to think that I am an extravert. This is broadly speaking. We all tend to be more of an introvert than the other where we are new to something, be that an exercise, activity, or person.
I also burn out easily in social situations so set time boundaries. For example, sixty to ninety minutes with my clients I enjoy as the conversation is deep and solutions focused, my wheelhouse. Conversely, I find that kind of small talk that social events create excruciatingly banal. In fact, pleasant conversation is just not my bag so I will often steer conversations to deeper topics like goals and travel and what is going on in terms of positive news, the bigger picture. I read a lot, so I am often sharing stuff that interests others, for example nutrition research with gym acquaintances. Luckily, my fiancé and others in my orbit find my interesting, open, and quirky but easy to understand. I do not find the various aspects of my personality confusing anymore. I accept them. The more I did into my ENTJ the more understanding I have and that helps with my calm.
Even if you have an MBTI type assessed from years ago, I urge you to retest. It is a wonderful place to discover more about who you are and your identity.